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SHATTERED
Part 2
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It was about two weeks after the first incident with Shane that the dreams started.
I would wake up shivering and shaking violently on the nights that they got really bad. At first I thought they were flash back dreams. They had been so vague... more like faceless people pushing me down towards the ground, about to perform some unknown nefarious act. I would panic and struggle against this invisible force, but to no avail... reminiscent of my past experience.
That's all those dreams were... until they began to change on me. Of course they were still reminiscent of my past... the faceless people would push me down towards the ground. I would panic and struggle and then... and then the exact moment *before* I would walk up in a cold sweat, something happened.
Or rather *someone* happened.
He remained faceless a first. He would remove the people from around me one by one, then pull me to my feet. His touch was always different, always kind and gentle. There was always the opportunity for me to escape, but I never did, the warmth and comfort I received from him enough to make me want to never leave. Sometimes he would murmur soothing words that blurred together and I didn't understand into my hair, his hands caressing my back gently. After a few nights of this my dreams became different once again... the faceless comforter would hold me and whisper soothing words into my hair... and then he would lift my face to his... and then he would kiss me...
Needless to say I started to wake up sweating and shaking for a completely different reason.
It was only a short time before I realized that faceless comforter turned lover had a face. And a name.
It was Reid.
I was petrified, and now for a completely different reason. And no matter what I did the dreams just wouldn't go away...
At the same time Shane hadn't let up an inch at school. So not only was I having lewd dreams at night involving a person I didn't even talk to any more, but I was in constant fear of being sexually harassed nearly every moment of the day at school.
I felt like I was going insane.
About then one particularly rough day I decided abruptly that I just didn't care anymore. I was going to quit. I would fail grade 12, despite the fact that I was the one of the smartest kids in my class. I just did not care anymore.
I also decided that Michelle would be the first person I would tell.
She found me in the library that day, where I usually hung out back then, with my nose in a book and a frown on my face. I had already skipped all my classes that morning, which included my social class with her. Obviously she was going to question me about it, and then I would tell her...
"Hey Donald!" She said, sitting down besides me with a loud *thump*. (She was very loud when it came to doing ordinary things like sitting down.) "Why weren't you in social this morning?"
Bingo. I didn't look up. "I'm boycotting school." I told her plainly.
Michelle didn't seem to register that for a moment, because she was silent. And then she got very loud. "You're what?!" she demanded to know.
"Shhh!" I hissed, giving her an irritated look.
"Why would you want to do that??!" Michelle demanded to know, the volume of her voice not decreasing one bit.
"Whazzup?" A voice questioned from behind me. I rolled my eyes, closing my book abruptly. Reid. Great. I bit my tongue quickly. After all it wasn't Reid's fault that I was having bad dreams, and that I was ignoring him on purpose and....
"Donald says he's boycotting school," Michelle explained quickly, concern in her voice.
I rolled my eyes again, then gave my closed book a particularly mournful look.
Reid pulled up a chair and proceeded to sprawl into it. "Oh yeah?" He said sounding vaguely interested. "Why so?"
I gave him a dirty look out of the corner of my eye. "No reason." I said nastily. Then I felt like a complete jerk. Flushing I swiftly I grabbed my bookbag, stuffed my book into it and swung it over my shoulder.
Reid sat up and gave me a quizzical look. "Hey, is it 'cause of those moth'rfuckers in our English class?" He asked, his voice suddenly low.
Michelle made a disapproving noise that indicated that she didn't care for his language usage-- at all.
I stared at him for a long moment. Obviously he had pieced it together then. A month ago I would have been happy... maybe... relieved definitely, but now the fact that Reid had figured it out just made me feel queasy. "Yes- no. Lookit, it doesn't matter." I made a frustrated sound.
Reid shrugged. "Just tell them to F - off." He said, giving Michelle a sidelong glance.
"Yes. And get the living daylights beat out of me. No thank you."
He leaned forwards and raised an eyebrow. "Well it *wouldn't* hurt you to stand up for yourself every once and a while."
I scowled at him and couldn't help but to lay into him with a little bit of sarcasm. Hey, I was on a roll anyway... "Yeah right Reid. I remember I told you to F - off once and you landed me in infirmary with a back eye and several bruises to boot." I gave him an unpleasant look. "No thank you." Inside I winced. I was becoming a lot more *bold* in my old age...
Reid blinked, and yet again I was amazed at the fact that he didn't get upset. I should have been mincemeat by now. A year ago I would have been. "Oh yeah... I did do that didn't I?" Reid looked sheepish for a moment and then grinned at Michelle who was staring at him with a horrified look on her face. He looked back at me and shrugged. "Okay, don't then." He said amiably.
"There, you see?" I shot back. My voice was a little too harsh.
Damn it. I bit my tongue. Damn it, damn it what am I *doing*...?! I had asked myself that question a lot recently.
There was a tense moment of silence. Reid frowned, then looked up at me with a genuine concerned look on his face.
"Whoa." Michelle said suddenly. "Time out here!!" She made a wild motion in between us with her hands in the general shape of a "T".
We both stopped looking (or glaring my case) at each other and looked at her.
Michelle stared from one of us to the other. "I thought you two were on good terms!" She said, sounding confused.
Reid shrugged.
I looked at him. Well we *had* been on good terms... up until about a month ago. "Donald, why are you snapping at Reid?" Michelle asked, glaring at me. "He hasn't done anything wrong has he?"
I shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot. "I was snapping at you earlier." I tried jokingly, putting on a half smile.
Apparently she didn't find that all too funny. "Yes," she returned, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "And I don't put up with it." She turned her attention back to Reid. "Don't put up with it." She said before marching away in a huff.
I watched her go.
"Donald, what's wrong?" Reid asked as soon as she was out of sight.
I looked back at him, startled. "I... nothing's wrong," I said quickly, looking away as I shouldered my backpack. "Look, I'd better get to class..."
He was up in an instant. I had barely made it a step before he grabbed my arm. Not hard or anything, just... *there*. However light his grip was it was enough to trigger a response in me... both with the tiny gasp of fear I tried not let out and more physical examples. However, lucky me, he kept his gaze focused on my face.
"You're boycotting school remember?" He said. He didn't say it cruelly or anything... just made a statement of fact.
I got flustered. "I-I guess I won't anymore." I stammered.
"Donald...." He began. He sighed and let go of my arm. "I wish you'd talk to me." He stated. There was a wistful note to his voice that I wasn't sure I liked.
I stared at him. "We are talking." I returned blatantly.
He cast his eyes at the ceiling for a moment. "You know what I mean." He returned dryly.
I did. I grinned. My grin faded when I realized that he wasn't smiling back, but inspecting me levelly.
I shuffled around for a moment.
"If you ever need..." Reid began slowly.
I felt like a real jerk. I had never been one of those before. And look at him... Reid was really trying. It was like our roles were completely reversed. He was genuinely concerned. But something... I don't know whether it was my bad dreams or the fact that our earlier conversation had made me remember a time when Reid was far less... *kind* but something wouldn't let me let him continue to be nice. "Yeah, yeah Reid I know." I flashed him one last grin before shrugging once and making a bee-line out of the library.
So much for boycotting school. Now I *knew* that Reid was going to have an overly protective eye on me.
I wasn't just going to have bad dreams tonight... I thought to myself helplessly. I was going to have nightmares.
Bad ones.
I was late getting out of school that day. Needless to say my conscience got the better of me and I decided to go back to the teachers of the classes I missed that morning and get my homework from them. It was already almost 4 p.m. when I made it to my locker to gather up the rest of my stuff.
I was just in the process of shutting my locker and swinging my book bag over my shoulder when a voice came at me from further down the hall from me.
"Hey Donald," It drawled.
I froze. Shane. Oh no. Then I shut my locker with a loud bang and turned to face the situation.
It was worse than I thought. Not only was it Shane, but it was also four of Shane's friends, including John. And they were nearly to where I stood practically quivering with fear in the hall.
I was in deep...
They circled me smoothly, Shane of course in the lead. He towered over me, and I back up a step... right back into the locker. I tried to be brave... I glared back, but it wasn't having any effect whatsoever.
"Well, well Donald," Shane began, a vicious smirk on his face. "I've been hearing stories about you..."
I glared.
"Would you like to hear it?" He asked in a voice that indicated he wasn't asking a question. It was also the tone of voice someone would use if they were addressing a two year old child.
I continued to glare. I had become much braver... I should have been looking at the floor.
"Cory," Shane continued smoothly, indicating to a short stocky boy with dark hair off to his right, who was glaring at me with particular hatred, "Has heard that you've been fucking his girlfriend Donald."
The guys snickered. Apparently the thought of me with any girl, let alone Cory's... (who was quite pretty for a snobbish blond airhead if I remembered correctly) was funny to them. I looked at Cory, alarmed, but the guy just glared back at me. He wasn't laughing. Evidently he believed them.
This wasn't good.
Well I could always defend myself and tell them that I had not been near any type of girl, well except for Michelle and Raye and them, and they didn't count really... but I knew how these went. If I protested things would just go worse for me. It was much better to wait to see what the guys were going to do to me instead. If I was lucky I would retreat with some minor bruising and my pride ripped to shreds. If not...
Well...
Shane continued again when it was obvious I wasn't going to do anything except glare at him.
He stepped forwards, very much encroaching on whatever personal space I had left. "So you know what we're going to do about that?" He asked, a distinct threat to his voice. He grinned, and a very dangerous glint developed in his eyes.
I was beginning to cower.
"We're going to make sure you *can't* ever bang another babe again." And then he reached out and grabbed me with a shockingly swift hand motion.
My reaction was nearly instantaneous. If he hadn't been feeling me up for the last month I probably wouldn't have reacted quite so violently so quickly... but Shane was *touching* me again, this time in front of people that seemed to want to kill me, which was *not* good.
The fact that the people around Shane seemed to want to kill me should have been a deterrent, I know. Instead I wrenched away from him and screamed; "FUCK OFF you stupid fucking FAG!" as loud as I could. I don't know why I did... I had never used that sort of language ever before in my life. I think something just snapped.
Those words were all it took though-- before I even finished the sentence I felt a fist impact my head and a second later I was examining the linoleum at really close range. Next I felt a kick to my ribs. Now, whenever I see someone getting kicked while down on TV I always turn away thinking it must be impossibly painful, but as someone who experienced it, it's not bad. I had been through it before and my face hurt more. I was terrified though... for the second time in my life I was fairly sure that I was going to die.
But then something happened. I guess I was lucky. I had only been on the ground for a couple of seconds when I heard someone shout at the top of their lungs: "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE??!"
I looked up, and had to stretch because my eye was rapidly swelling closed. I saw Reid. I saw Reid very pissed off... Reid in a way that I had only seen him once before. I suddenly had a sinking suspicion that heads where going to roll.
Yup. Looking pissed off enough to frighten anyone into next week, Reid came over.
"What the *fuck* are you guys doing?" he demanded to know.
John, who had been laughing the whole time, met Reid head on. "Cory found out this fucker here is banging his babe." He replied smoothly. "And then he insulted Shane..."
"Shut the fuck up, faggot." Reid told John in an almost casual tone of voice. He passed him and stomped over to Cory, proceeding to glower down at him, still enraged. "This *fucker* hasn't been *banging* anyone. He's a good little geek and he'd rather bang a *book* than anyone's stupid slut of-a girlfriend!! Got it??! Now..." Reid drew himself up to his full 6'1 height and made himself look plenty threatening. "FUCK. OFF."
Now you see, over the years Reid had gotten a reputation of being able to kick ass. Apparently he had nearly killed someone once. If that wasn't enough, apparently he had... connections. Though I doubt that he had them anymore, at least not after last spring, nobody was brave enough to try anything and test that.
Everyone scattered.
Everyone that is, except for Shane, who hesitated a moment. He scowled and growled something under his breath before turning from Reid.
"Oh Shane..." Reid called after him, his voice deadly calm. Shane stopped short and turned back around, fists clenched and scowling.
Reid approached him, oblivious to the look he was receiving. Stopping in front of him, he leaned over, got right into Shane's face. "I know things, Shane." He whispered softly. Even from my position on the floor I shivered at the sweet, almost seductive tone to his voice. He sounded like Shane did only moments before when he was trying to intimidate me. It sounded a little like the bad guy Frieza from my favorite cartoon show, DragonBall Z. Only ten times worse. Or was it better? Anyway, it was scary to say the least. No guy should be able to talk like that...
"I know and you know that." Reid continued. He frowned, his eyes flashing dangerously, a deadly edge entering his voice. "I wouldn't suggest touching Donald again... unless you want... certain *people* to know. Got it?"
Shane had grown particularly pale during Reid's little speech. He nodded once, quickly, and then gathering up the remaining shreds of his dignity he beat a hasty retreat.
Reid smirked as he watched Shane completely disappear from sight before turning his attention back to me.
"And you!!" He turned on me suddenly, and I started, managing to look very frightened I'm sure, without even trying. "Stop getting into fights-- I'm sick of saving your ass!!" He broke into a grin instantly and reached out, extending his hand. After a moment it processed that he was teasing me and I took his hand.
"Thanks," I mumbled as he hauled me to my feet with one hand and handed me my book bag with the other.
"Again." He replied nonchalantly. "Mess with my friend you mess with me." He shrugged and smiled.
I frowned, looking away. For some reason that statement bugged me. In fact the whole entire incident bugged me. Once again Reid had to come save me. Once again Reid kicked some serious ass... just for me. Once again Reid was looking down at me with that stupid look of concern-- no matter that I had looked up at him with concern on my face often enough...
I couldn't take it anymore. For some odd reason my eyes were brimming with tears.
Damn it! I broke into a half run in front of him, partly so that he wouldn't see me cry, and partly just so that I could away from him.
"Donald!" He called after me. He sounded surprised.
I stopped, but only for a moment. "I'm sorry!" I returned breathlessly, turning my head slightly, but still refusing to look over my shoulder at him. "I just gotta go Reid. I'll see you later!" I got out of there as fast as I could, and ran practically the whole way home.
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When I got home I went right to my room and plopped down on my bed and proceeded to not move for the rest of the evening. Occasionally I would cry silently, tears of frustration, but after a while I took up just staring at the ceiling. I stared. And stared. And stared.
After a while I started to listen for the ring of the phone, which I could hear from my room. I wanted someone to call so that I could vent. Anyone at all. Michelle... Reid. Anyone. My life was falling apart. My mom even, even though I knew she was already at work. But the phone didn't ring. It didn't ring all night.
The silence was oppressing.
I felt like I was going insane. Especially when my clock hit 2 a.m. and I was still lying there staring at the ceiling.
Finally bodily need began to affect me and I hauled myself out of bed. I stumbled around the house for a bit, mostly aimlessly. I choked down some food, used the washroom. When I slumped back into bed about an hour later, I finally was able to fall into a fitful sleep.
That night I had the worse dream ever. I dreamt that Reid had... had Touched me. And had done other things as well. And I had Liked it. In fact I had liked it so much that I came all over myself a moment or so before I woke up.
When I woke up enough to realize what I had done, I sobbed into my pillow for a while, cursing the day that Reid had ever decided to save my life. Cursing the day I had ever decided to try to befriend him.
Cursing the day I somehow developed feeling for the guy... feelings that were so incredibly wrong...
Damn him anyway. How was I to know that my ignorant act of kindness would catch me like this, which was making me absolutely helpless?
I slept through school the next day. This didn't seem to faze my mom much, who mothered me a bit and gave me an ice pack for my eye, then left me alone when I asked her to. I didn't do much that day besides sleep and eat. Luckily my sleep that day was dreamless.
I seriously considered skipping school the next day as well, when I woke up at five in the morning way too awake to be tired anymore. Then, after I realized there was absolutely nothing for me to do at home I decided that that I was being stupid. Reid didn't know... how could he? My shame was my own. Not only that I was beginning to become antsy about the work I had already missed. And I also needed to make an appearance, despite the bruise covering half my face. Be strong.
I was determined as well.
I decided to do something while I paced around my room early that morning. I needed to do it. It would perhaps loose me a friend forever, but I needed to do it.
Just to know.
I was going to ask Michelle to go out with me.
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